Friendship Fallouts·
THE COMING OUT MISSTEP
A coworker friendship teeters after one joke reveals a bisexual woman, sparking questions about disclosure, assumptions, and the cost of honesty in the workplace.
Should she have said it sooner, or not at all?
Be one of the first to vote.
A coworker friendship blew up over one sentence: "I like girls."
The poster had started a new job about seven months ago and quickly clicked with a woman at work. They got close fast, hanging out outside the office several times and turning coworkers into friends. So when the group was out with a couple of guys from work and the conversation drifted into a hypothetical, "would you do xyz with a girl for 10k", it seemed like the kind of joke people toss around and move past.
The friend answered first. "Absolutely not, I couldn't do it for a million," she said.
The poster, laughing, went the other way: "I'd do it for free."
That got a reaction. The friend laughed and said, "I don't know how you could do that." The poster answered plainly: "It's easy cause I like girls."
Everyone laughed. The moment passed. Nothing else seemed off.
But the next day at work, the friend circled back. She asked if the poster really liked girls. The answer was yes, the poster is bisexual. That should have been the end of it. Instead, the friend got upset and asked why she hadn't been told.
The poster said she didn't feel like she had to tell her. She explained that she "came out the closet at 15," and that she usually only brings it up to men she is dating or women she is romantically interested in. She wasn't attracted to the friend that way, so she didn't see a reason to mention it.
That answer did not land well. The friend said she was weird for not telling her, said she was uncomfortable, and said the poster should have told her. The poster was left trying to understand what changed between one joking conversation and the next day's tension.
A week later, the friendship looks damaged. The friend only talks to the poster when it involves work. She doesn't text anymore. The work environment feels uncomfortable. Even the guys they were friendly with have started acting weird toward the poster.
Now the poster is asking the question out loud: was she wrong for not telling her friend she was bisexual, or was the friend wrong for assuming she should have said something and making it a big deal? The poster says she's wondering whether she should apologize.