THE CHORE CHART CRISIS

The fight started in the kitchen, where dirty dishes had become a scoreboard. One parent came home from work, saw the mess, and started cleaning. The other looked at the chart on the wall and said the rules were already written.

The couple met in college. Not long after graduating, the wife became pregnant, and they moved in together. The plan, at first, was simple: she would not look for work until after the baby was born. Their daughter arrived, and for the first two years, the wife stayed home.

That's where the trouble began.

The poster says he was coming home from his job, doing chores, helping with their daughter, and still finding himself buried under more mess. The biggest issue, he says, was the kitchen. He would come in, clean the kitchen, cook dinner, clean the kitchen again, and then pick up the rest of the day's activities. The wife's side was different: she was watching their kid all day, and he could do more once he got home.

So they made a chore chart.

It split the work neatly on paper. Under her side: "watch kid, do laundry and grocery shopping, appointments." Under his side: "dinner, everyday cleaning ( whipping down counter, picking up toys, sweeping, etc) , trash, meal prep and nighttime routine ( bath etc)."

Then the company announced he would be let go around Thanksgiving.

The pair talked it through again, and the wife got a job. Suddenly she was the main breadwinner for the time being. The roles flipped. He stayed home with their daughter and enrolled in an online master's program.

He says the arrangement has worked fine for him. The wife says it hasn't.

Now, when she comes home from work, she hates having to do chores and clean up after them. He says he actually leaves it cleaner than she left it, including putting dishes in the dishwasher throughout the day. But the arguments keep coming. She says it is unfair that she has to do chores after working all day. He keeps pointing out that this is what he did for the past two years, while working, raising their daughter, and doing a program.

"She says she is the breadwinner now and I shouldn't have to do this," he wrote. "I am watching our daughter and doing a program." He says he refuses to change the chore chart because it is "literally what I have done for two years."

The question now is whether the old chart should still stand, or whether the new one should be rewritten.