Dating Disasters·
THE SAHM STANDOFF
During a funeral trip, a 24-year-old woman confronts her boyfriend's expectation that she become a stay-at-home wife, igniting a decisive clash over their future.
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A family funeral turned into a breakup talk the moment a 24-year-old woman realized her boyfriend wanted a wife like his mother.
She and her 25-year-old boyfriend had flown to his hometown for four days after his paternal grandmother died. What she saw there left a mark. His mother, she said, was "very sweet, warm, and welcoming," and had clearly spent years keeping a huge household running. She was a stay-at-home mom, and the list of what she handled was endless: cooking, cleaning, childcare, laundry, ironing, yard work, gardens, and even making the father's breakfast and lunch before he left for the day.
The home itself was spotless and large, with what she described as very big meals served at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The family also cleaned up after meals, which meant the mother did not have to do absolutely everything alone. Still, the poster couldn't miss the imbalance. Aside from maintenance, the father did not seem to do much at home.
Then came the car ride back.
On the way home, the boyfriend said he loved the way his family lived. That was the opening she had been bracing for. She told him straight out that she was not going to live that way. She said, "I am absolutely not doing that at all." She explained that she did not want to be a stay-at-home mom, that she had a career she loved, and that she wanted a basically 50/50 life with a partner. "I absolutely will not be streamlining his life," she told him. "I'm not doing everything for him."
According to her, he pushed back a little. He said he did not expect her to be exactly like his mother, but he did expect her to be home more if they had children.
That was the line she could not cross. She told him that if he wanted a SAHM, then they should break up and he could find someone else who felt the same. He got upset, asked for time, and then went silent. By Monday, she still had not heard from him.
In an edit, she added more context. The funeral was for his paternal grandmother. The oldest eight children in the family are adults and do not live at home anymore. She said she does not hate his family, and believes his parents are happy. She also clarified that she does not know his mother's age.
By then, her view of the relationship had changed. She said she now believed it was over, and planned to call him that night and talk it through.