Dating Disasters·
THE COLON CHECK CONFRONTATION
A couple's clash over overdue colon cancer screening tests their future as fear and family history collide with love and health.
Push harder on the screening, or back off?
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He was already overdue for a colonoscopy when his stomach started acting up, and now his girlfriend has called him an idiot for refusing to go.
The boyfriend is 33, and colon cancer is not some distant family footnote. His mother was diagnosed in her early 40s, went through a long and awful ordeal, and survived. He remembers it. His doctor remembers it too, at least in the sense that he told him he should start colonoscopies earlier than most people. By that standard, he is already past due for his first one.
For a year, the poster has been pushing him to get checked out.
He has kept pushing back.
"It's embarrassing," he says. "I'm too young." And then there's the fear that sits underneath it all: "What if they find something bad?"
Lately, though, the subject stopped being theoretical. He has also been having weird stomach problems. Every time he brought up his stomach bothering him, the poster heard the same resistance, the same delay, the same refusal to make the appointment.
Then came the moment that snapped the conversation.
After he mentioned his stomach again, the poster told him, "You're being an idiot. Your mom went through hell with this and you're ignoring your chance to be healthy."
It did not stop there. The poster also told him that if he would not take care of himself, they did not know if they could plan a long-term future together. Later, they put it more plainly: "I don't know if I can plan a long-term future with him."
The boyfriend's reaction was immediate. He got upset, called the poster "controlling and dramatic," and has since been barely speaking to them.
Now the poster is stuck between anger and fear. They know the words were harsh. They also know why they said them. A family history of colorectal cancer, a doctor's warning, overdue screening, and stomach problems are all sitting in the same room at once, and the boyfriend still does not want to open the door.
The poster says they would rather he be mad at them than ignore it until it is too late. "I'd rather him be mad at me than bury him in ten years," they wrote.