In-Laws from Hell·
THE SAFETY NET DILEMMA
A high-earning woman clashes with her fiancé's wealthy family over quitting work, offering an unrecoverable trust or prenup to protect her financial independence before marriage.
Safety net or too much before quitting?
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She asked for a safety net before quitting a six-figure career, and her fiancé's wealthy family called it ridiculous.
The poster says her future in-laws are "loaded", "old money loaded," in her words, while she earns "over $170,000 USD a year" and her fiancé, Tim, makes less. Tim does have a trust fund, but it's tied up by restrictions; he works, according to the poster, "sort of as public service." His mother, meanwhile, reportedly has "lots of interest built up in her trust."
Then came the conversation that changed everything.
The poster says she sat down with Tim and his parents, and they told her that after the wedding she should quit her job and become a stay-at-home mom. She says she thought they were joking. They were not. According to her, the reason was that it would be "emasculating" for her to earn more than Tim.
That left her staring at a future where she'd give up her income, her career, and her own financial independence, with no guarantee she could get it back.
So she came back with a proposal.
If they wanted her to stop working, she said, then they should set up an "unrecoverable trust" for her. Each year, it would be funded at the level of her gross earnings, plus future raises and promotions, for the next 35 years. That way, she could stay home, Tim could be the breadwinner, and she'd still have protection if the marriage ever ended.
She says the family went badly off script.
"They went fucking nuts," she wrote, adding that they called the idea ridiculous. One line from her account put the clash in plain language: "they are ridiculous for thinking they will give me money." To her, the ask seemed straightforward. To them, it was outrageous.
She then tried again, this time with a compromise.
If they would not fund a separate trust, she suggested a prenup that would give her half of Tim's trust fund if the marriage ended in divorce, but only if she gave up her career. That offer was rejected too.
Now she says she's stuck on the same question: is it unreasonable to want a real safety net before walking away from a job she's built? She also says her mother thinks she's being rude by putting everything in "such stark monetary terms."
For her part, she's not backing down from the basic point.
"Do they honestly think I would give up my career with zero safety net?" she asked. "I'm kind of at a loss."