Family Feuds·
REUNITED FOR SURVIVAL
A terminally ill woman considers remarriage to her ex-husband, weighing legal perks and family pain as her sister questions the ethics of love after life.
Remarry for protection, or keep it separate?
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The fight started with a terminal diagnosis and a wedding plan.
"I (36F) am close to dying," the poster wrote bluntly. "I have terminal cancer and I only have about a year or two left." She added, "Please don't feel sorry for me or throw me a pity party." Then came the twist that made the whole story hang together: "My current partner/boyfriend (38M) is also my ex-husband."
The relationship had a long and tangled history. The two married right out of high school, stayed together through college, and had three children together, a 12-year-old son, an 11-year-old daughter, and a 4-year-old son. They eventually divorced when their daughter was 3, after his intense work schedule put strain on the marriage. The poster said the divorce was painful, but at the time it felt right for both of them.
Two years later, cancer entered the picture. After the first diagnosis, he cut back his work hours to spend more time with the kids. Over time, he also took care of her. The pair rekindled their romance, though they did not remarry. She later beat cancer, was declared cancer free at 31, and had her youngest child at 32.
Then the disease came back. She was rediagnosed at 34, tried treatment, and now says the cancer has been declared terminal.
What weighs on her most is not her own death, but what it will mean for her children. "The only thing that causes me any emotional pain is that I won't see my kids grow up and experience life milestones like graduating, getting married, and having kids," she wrote.
Because of that, she and her ex-husband have discussed remarrying. She said they want it for practical and legal reasons: "I want him to be listed as my husband in my obituary," "I want him to be able to make medical decisions in case I'm unable to," and she wants him to receive Survivor Benefits when she dies.
But her sister, 38F, was appalled. She told the poster it was "cruel to remarry him knowing I'm going to die soon." She also said that if she truly loved him, she would not have divorced him in the first place, and accused her of disrespecting "the sanctity of marriage" by doing it "willy nilly." In the harshest accusation, the sister suggested the poster may have used her first cancer diagnosis to get his pity love and win him back.
Now the poster is left with a simple question wrapped around an impossible situation: "I was wondering if it's really bad for me to remarry my ex?"