Dating Disasters·
THE BEDTIME BOUNDARY
Brad, a dad with autism and ADHD, draws a hard 23:00 bedtime line, sparking a boundary clash with his wife when a waking baby tests their fragile work-and-leave arrangement.
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Brad drew a hard line at 11 p.m., then left his wife holding the baby when their son woke up anyway.
The couple had only been together 2.5 years when their son arrived in January. They live in Europe, and the arrangement around work and leave was already tight: Brad, who has autism and ADHD, was working at 50% while dealing with temporary health insurance, and the stress of that uncertainty helped push them toward a plan where he would take most of the parental leave. His wife went back to work part time as a private teacher from home.
That job came with one recurring complication. Twice a week, she had an evening student from 23:00 to 23:30. Before she returned to work, the two discussed it. Brad asked for no students past midnight so he could handle the baby if needed.
Then Brad started wanting to be in bed by 23:00 every night.
The wife says that isn't always realistic with a baby, especially when work runs late. Last night, she told him she had a student at 23:00 and would try to get the baby asleep by then. Brad immediately pushed back. What was her plan if the baby woke up? "My bedtime is 23:00, so hopefully you have thought of something," he asked.
She told him he would need to take care of the baby or put him on his play mat and entertain him. Brad's answer was simple: "Bedtime is 23:00, and I will go to bed."
At 23:00, the baby was asleep and Brad was getting out of the shower. The lesson began. Not long after, the baby woke up. Brad was walking around with him while she taught. By the time the student was done, she took the baby herself, nursed him back to sleep, and finally went to bed a little after 23:30.
The next morning, Brad was still irritated. When she asked, "Are you upset with me still?" he said yes. He told her she had crossed his "boundry."
"My bedtime is 23:00," he said, according to her account. "We disucssed this. I go to bed, and anything past that is your problem to solve if Baby wakes up."
He also didn't return her goodbye hug.
Now the wife is asking whether she would be the asshole if she told him his sleep "boundries" are over the line and that he is being ridiculous.