Breakups·
THE TRIATHLON DILEMMA
A mother of three endures a marriage strained by a husband who trains obsessively for triathlons, prompting a life-altering ultimatum and a fight to reclaim balance.
Back the dream or draw the line?
Be one of the first to vote.
The first triathlon nearly turned one mother of three into a single parent.
For more than three months, her husband trained almost every day for his first race. The couple had been married 15 years and had three kids under 10, and both had always been into fitness. But once he started preparing for the triathlon, the family schedule bent around it. Some days he worked his job, came home, and then left again for a three-hour bike ride or run. There were many days when he did not see the kids at all. The poster said she "felt like a single mom."
Then the race was over, and the strain didn't end.
About a month later, he said he wanted to do another triathlon right away. When she asked what his long-term plan was, he said he'd like to do them continuously throughout the year. That was the moment the conversation changed from one race to a bigger picture.
She told him that if triathlons were going to become a year-round commitment, she did not think she could do that. She said it might be best if they part ways. In her words, "I really didn't think I could do that," and "it might be best if we part ways."
He did not take it well.
He said she was being "unsupportive" and trying to "sabotage him." He argued that it was unfair to make that kind of demand, comparing it to dating someone and asking them to quit a hobby. She said she wasn't trying to make a demand so much as stating reality: it was very hard to support the family alone while he trained, and she could not see herself living that way forever if he wanted to become a triathlete.
She also said that, even if it sounded "unsupportive" on paper, the most supportive thing she could do in that situation was to step away and let him do what he wanted and chase his dreams.
Eventually, he said he would drop the triathlons because the family was the "most important thing" to him.
But that was not the end of it.
Months later, he still makes snide comments about the ultimatum or brings it up during arguments. She does not know whether he is resentful or trying to make her feel bad and change her mind. She says she still feels the same way and there is no chance she is going to change her mind.
Now she wants to know how they move forward from here.