Neighbor Wars·
THE WIFI AURA
An eccentric neighbor arrives with a plant and a hand-drawn WiFi diagram to demand control of a unit's router, claiming the signal harms her succulents in a sunless hallway.
Shut it off or keep the router?
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The neighbor at the townhouse door was holding a potted plant in one hand and a hand-drawn-looking WiFi diagram in the other, and she was there to make a demand about the router.
The poster lived in a townhouse complex with thin walls, the kind where every odd conversation seems to drift through the building. Their neighbor was already known as eccentric and intensely spiritual. She had made strange comments before, including telling the poster that "my aura was too digital."
This time, she came straight to the point. "We needed to talk about my router," she said.
The poster assumed this had to be some weird joke. It wasn't.
According to the neighbor, the WiFi from the poster's unit was interfering with her succulents. She claimed "my WiFi was disrupting the vibrational energy of her succulents," and then pushed the idea even further: "the plants were spiritually wilting because they thought the WiFi was sunlight, but it wasn't."
There was one problem with that explanation. The plants were not sitting in bright windows or basking in natural light. They were kept in a dark hallway with no sunlight at all.
Still, the neighbor treated the issue like a serious crisis. She held up the potted plant and the diagram as if she were presenting evidence in a case. Then she laid out her solution, giving the poster two choices.
First: "either turn off my WiFi every night between 10 PM and 6 AM."
Second: "or let her share my WiFi and move the router into her unit so she could regulate the signal properly."
That was the offer. Shut off the internet for eight hours every night, or hand over the router so she could take control of the signal herself.
The poster laughed, because the whole thing sounded like a parody of itself. "I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't."
The neighbor did not laugh back. She left angry, taking her plant and her diagram with her.
After that, the poster was left waiting to see what would happen next. The question hanging in the air was simple: would the neighbor come back with another complaint, another demand, or something even stranger than a WiFi diagram for succulents in a dark hallway?